Someone Who Writes

I am someone who writes, but I am not a writer. Although the dictionary would say otherwise, I can't convince myself that I am one. I just don't feel worthy because unlike the authors whom I've put on the pedestal, my words aren't beautiful enough, tragic enough, painful enough, powerful enough. My words - my voice - aren't strong enough.

Writing doesn't come naturally to me. At least, not as strongly as it did before. Even back then, when I got flashes of inspiration, the trail of words would vanish before I find where it's supposed to lead. I have to flail around before I can write an ending. An ending, not the ending. Not the gut-wrenching, stomach-churning, heart-racing finale to a most wondrous epic but a somewhat sensible resolution to a story that had potential.

And I know this sounds horribly depressing (especially as the first post) but I've come to approach it as one does when faced with universal facts - with an almost imperceptible nod and a shrug of my shoulders. I am resigned to my inferiority.

It doesn't, however, change the way I feel about the written word. I am still in love with words, with books, with poetr:

 I am in love with its sights, in the landscape of Paris and the darkness of hidden alleys.

I am in love with its voice, in the softness of a child's tone and the roughness of an alcoholic's slurs.

I am in love with its scent, in the crispness of pre-loved pages and the promise of newly opened books.

I am in love with its tastes, in the sweetness of first love and the bitterness of farewells.

I am in love with its spirit, in its hope to shake a person's core, changing him/her for good, for better, and for forever.

Ironically, this reverence for words (which dissuades me from knighting myself as a writer) is the same thing that motivates me to write. I hope to improve my skills so that I can effectively transform my thoughts into words. I want to be better so that I can transmit my message to a broader audience. I want to be better so that I am able to touch another's heart.

I want to be better so I that I may one day call myself a writer.